Through the Door

It took many years of stillness, then slowly wading my way through a thick pea-soup mixture of an emotionless land, before I arrived at my door. Just the sight of my door thrilled me. I knew to the tips of my toes that it was mine. I could tell by the way it shimmered and echoed my name. It was beautiful, pristine, not a mark of wear or tear on it.

When I tried to open the door, I was surprised to find it locked. How could that be? This is MY door! Why can I not open MY door? The door
wisely responded, "You must know how to open this door, for it truly is yours. Certainly you know what you must do to open it."

"Open Sesame!"

"Alla Ka Zam!"

"Bibbity Bobbity Boo!"

None of my incantations worked. So I tried, in a smaller voice, "please." That didn't prove successful either.

I pounded at the door. I wailed. I tried to pick the lock. You'll see, the door was no longer pristine by the time I had worn myself out. My
physical strength had nothing on this door.

I sulked away hoping someone in the village would have an answer...or know of a key.

I was pointed down many long paths. I know I took the wrong forks in the road many times. I got lost. I stumbled. I started to believe I
would never find the key. I got so disoriented that one day my meanderings lead me right off a cliff.

I fell for what felt like forever. I thought I was falling into the next world because I saw my life pass before my eyes -- all of my failings, all of the wrong turns, all of the times I could have
been/done so much more. I finally landed with a thud so hard I thought all of my bones were broken.

At first I was afraid to move, and certainly afraid to open my eyes. I lay in a crumbled form on sandy ground. Gently I moved a toe, then a finger, and, since I felt no pain in their movement, I took a deep breath. My lungs didn't hurt, but something in my chest did. I
continued my inspection gradually moving other body parts. While everything ached a little, everything felt intact. The only pain I felt was in my chest.

Still afraid to open my eyes, I used my hands to cautiously touch where I felt the pain. Like a girl in school, my hand immediately went to the spot it knew by rote from all of the times I had said the Pledge of Allegiance. There, right over my heart, I felt sharpness -- it almost felt like shards of glass. Fearing I may be bleeding to
death, I finally opened my eyes.

My first surprise was seeing my heart, shattered in a million pieces, all poking through my chest. Even so, I wasn't bleeding. I looked around to find out where I was and, there in front of me, was my doorway. This time, the door was open.

Astonished by the beauty inside the doorway, and not wanting to risk it closing again, I ran inside. There I found the wisdom that had been
hiding in my heart. I found the voice I knew was mine but could never find when I spoke. I found the instructions for reassembling my heart
-- using some of the old pieces and adding some new pieces -- until the finished heart was more beautiful and stronger than the old. Oh,
you could still see the cracks from where it had shattered, but that didn't matter. It only made it more beautiful.

Today, in the hopes of getting through the cave door, I've created an image of my doorway. I hope the master of the cave door finds it to be true. Or, hell, I guess I'll have to go meandering again to see if I can stumble upon another truth.

by Ashleyshea